Chris Martin hates Gwyneth… or her food? Or both?

Chris Martin hates Gwyneth… or her food? Or both?

First things first - today is GOOP DAY! Yay! Last week’s Goop newsletters were all about Gwyneth shilling her Cooking Instructional For Peasants, but this week she only shills her book a little, and then moves on to pushing organic skin/beauty products. If you like that kind of thing, you can read the whole piece here, at Goop. My favorite part is her recommendation of Butter London nail polish, specifically a color called “No More Waity, Katie.” OH SNAP. Gwyneth hates Waity. Mark it down. “Peasant,” Gwyneth scoffed to herself. “I would have made a better princess, but I didn’t even deign to desire the job.”

In other Goop news, lots of sites are talking about this New Yorker piece written by a woman who attended Gwyneth’s foody goop-fest dinner in New York last week (?). The dinner where Gwyneth cooked - all by herself, allegedly - for like 70 people. The piece is full of little kiss-assy gems, but the part everyone is discussing is a little comment by the writer regarding Chris Martin’s state of mind. The relevant portion:

At 9 P.M., the guests went out to a pair of long tables on the terrace. Diaz, A-Rod, and Batali sat near Chris Martin, who had arrived looking cranky. (A publicist warned, “He doesn’t want to talk.”) Paltrow sat a few seats away, flanked by Jerry Seinfeld and Jay-Z.

[From The New Yorker]
Hahaha. Chris was acting like a sulky, butt-hurt man-child because it was his wife’s night and she probably MADE him show up, and then she doesn’t even sit beside him at the dinner? What the hell, Goop? And Chris… boy, just grow a set and file for divorce if you’re so over it.

Other tidbits from the piece - Mario Batali claiming that Goopy “eats like a truck driver.” Ah… “Paltrow greeted people by the door, holding a glass of cucumber water.” Of course she did! Because she was cooking for 70 people all by herself, and she still had time to hand out cucumber water! OF COURSE. Also, Goopy calls her mother “Mommy.” And Blythe brought Bruce Paltrow’s napkin for the special occasion. He had a special napkin?

Part of Jessica Seinfeld’s toast: “There is no one who is more comfortable or more capable in the kitchen, naturally, than you. I don’t know how you do it. [To the guests]…And you are all so lucky to be part of Gwyneth’s world. Because this is the real deal. And she’s invited all of you good people in here. I would never do that.” Yes, we are all so blessed to be orbiting Planet Goop, the most superficial and sanctimonious of all the planets. It’s her world, and she deigns to allow us to worship her!
You can read the whole thing here, at The New Yorker.

 

 

 

celebitchy/Photos courtesy of WENN.